So Sick
by Consulting Centurion
Summary: Another songfic..sorta...During New Moon. I'm So Sick by Flyleaf. Bella finally breaks. A glimpse of her pain and confusion. B x Memories of Edward


A/N: ok so first of all NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME THEY BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER, AND THE SONG TO FLYLEAF

**And well idk where this came from, I suppose that when I heard this song I thought of Bella's reaction to Edward leaving. I just felt like writing something. This is during New Moon. Edward hasn't come back…**_**yet**_

Background: Ok so this is Bella reaction to Edward leaving. The song is, I'm So Sick by Flyleaf, really good song, go to to hear it. So Bella starts off in her room, Charlie isn't home, she's alone.

So Sick 

_I will break into your thoughts  
With what's written on my heart  
I will break, break_

I was crying. Why would he leave me, why? I still love him so much. I stared into the mirror. I hated the reflection I saw. I took my hair dryer and threw it at the mirror. It shattered into thousands of piece, just like my heart.

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick_

I ran out of the house, into the woods behind it. I was breathing heavy. A sob escaped my lips. I ran wildly through the woods. When I couldn't run any more, I fell to my knees. I broke down.

_If you want more of this  
We can push out, sell out, die out  
So you'll shut up  
And stay sleeping  
With my screaming in your itching ears_

Oh it hurt. It hurt so badly. My heart was aching. The hole was there. I screamed. I was crying out in pain. I kept thinking of him, hearing him. I had to stop or I really did think that I was going to die there.

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick_

I tried to stand, but my legs wouldn't obey. I was in too much pain. I was sick. Sick of pain. Sick of heart break. Sick of not being able to breath. Sick of not feeling. Sick of being numb. Sick of being told what was best for me. Sick of everyone choosing for me. Sick of not having Edward.

_Hear it, I'm screaming it  
You're heeding to it now_

"Why?!" I yelled at the sky. "Why did you do this?!". Why was my world falling apart? Why was my heart missing? Why can't I have what makes me happy? Why was I coming undone? Why was this happening to me? Why doesn't he love me? I was screaming, I don't know how loud. My cries did not fall on ears. No one heard me.

_Hear it! I'm screaming it!  
You tremble at this sound_

"Edward!" I finally screamed. I hadn't said his name aloud since he left. I began to shake, and I winced at my movement. "Edward what did I do to deserve this?!" I wasn't blaming him for this. I blamed myself, my stupid, insignificant self.

_You sink into my clothes  
And this invasion  
Makes me feel  
Worthless, hopeless, sick_

I could almost feel him next to me. I remembered back to that day. That cursed day. I felt unwanted, rejected, worthless, hurt. The hole was going to consume me. Swallow me whole. The pain was going to over come me. I knew I was dying. My heart was slowly stopping. Not because of venom, it was broken, and broken things don't work.

_I'm so sick,  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss,  
Selfishness  
I'm so sick  
I'm so sick_

It started to rain, I didn't care. I had stopped caring. I shut my dead heart up. Turned it to stone. I was empty. Emotionless and apathetic. I had emotionally died. I screamed one last time. I never wanted to speak again.

_I'm so sick  
Infected with where I live  
Let me live without this  
Empty bliss, selfishness  
I'm so  
I'm so sick  
I'm so  
I'm so sick_

It was true, I was sick. I am infected. I am dying. I am sick. Nothing can cure me. I am sick, sick of heartache.

**A/N: Ok then, well this song is sad, and so is this story. I figured that this was before Bella threw her promise not to be reckless out the window. This is pre-best-friends-with-Jacob. This could have happened right before her emotionless months. I can write an after story, but I'm not unless someone asks me to, or people actually like this story. The singer of Flyleaf is an AMAZING singer. So I can write more, if people want it. **

**QUESTION:**** Did you like my story? I personally don't think I'm a very good, sad story writer. I don't like sad stories they make me cry. Lol, ik, ik, "Why you write one then stupid?" w/e**

**REVIEW!**


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